Life's Like That...!!!

HE will keep testing you from time to time and you will see lots of UP's and DOWN's......try to never give up, you will definitely succeed in HIS test.....

Friday, October 11, 2019

How I broke the ICE on stage and got comfortable..!!

I had a bad history of stage appearances. Not that, if I reached on stage, someone was gonna come to me and eat me alive, but yeah, that’s how it felt to me. Apart from that what all I felt when I was on stage is tough to describe, but let me make an attempt to the same.

Symptoms were as follows:
1) Looking down at the floor or up on the ceiling,
2) Dry lips,
3) Itchy throat,
4) Elevated heartbeat,
5) Trembling legs,
6) Sweat dripping all over me,
7) Lower than normal voice (I’m already known for not speaking much loudly)

I’ll come back and add more if any other thing pops-up my head, but right now, apart from someone eating me alive, these 7 points I mentioned above were the key highlights of my mental and physical state whenever I stepped on any stage addressing even a crowd as small as 4–5 people. Yeah, I know 5 people might not sound big to you, but for someone who has stage fear and paranoia, for them it is a LOT.

I tried a lot to improve and the harder I worked on it, more anxious I became. End result, the situation didn’t improve at all. Then one day, one of my colleague asked me to join a club known as “”. He told that it was something related to improving on stage fear. They help you. To be honest, I said yes but it was scarier. Imagine someone who is already sh*t scared about being on stage, knows about the problems he faces and is trying his best to improve but has been failing since years. Now if you ask that person (me) to stand in front of 15–20 people and talk and in return you get feedback from few of them from the crowd. Dude, I felt like having a cardiac arrest. It was like I’ll drop dead right away. Whenever I was made to go on a stage, people had to force me and ensure that I don’t escape.

Well, you guessed it right and around 6 months passed by, but I never stepped into that club or discussed about it with anyone. I even stopped making attempts at my speaking skills thinking it is futile.

But then one day, the unthinkable happened. My lead in the office bunked a meeting and I was left with no other option but to present the whole feature alone in front of architects and leads across the globe, along with many directors and senior directors in the meeting. If it was in my control, I’d have cancelled the meeting, and I almost did it. But I had to take it forward. To my surprise, apart from initial goosebumps, once the technical explanation started, I totally went into my zone and was able to handle everything pretty nicely. Another similar incident happened after 2 weeks. That’s when same colleague pointed out to me about what was happening again and again.

Colleague: “Dude, did you notice what you just did?”
Me: “No.”
C: “You handled the meeting alone and didn’t seem to be under any pressure.”
Me: “That’s because I knew the topic, hence I was comfortable.”
C: “So, considering you read so much and your knowledge base is pretty big, what if you go on the stage of toastmasters in front of 15 people with the same mindset and forget who they are, like you did in these meetings?”

Conversation pretty much ended there and then somewhere in January 2019, I inquired about this club and attended few of it’s sessions. It was a real nightmare to attend first few times and I couldn’t speak for even 2 minutes about the things I knew. But slowly, I started to understand the scenario and with practice, I got to know how to enter my zone. The crowd was never the same. New people kept coming and going. But every single week, I was there on stage. Improving slowly and steadily. By June 2019, 6 months after I officially became member of Toastmasters, I had improved significantly.

Finally someone asked me to start giving speeches and get things moving officially (Yes, there are official speeches as part of Toastmasters curriculum). The club’s Vice-President asked me to address the public and give my first speech. It’s called “Ice-Breaker”.

The agenda of the speech was supposed to be my introduction. I had to talk about myself for 4–6 minutes. It was really really freaking crazy. I am no-one. What should I be talking about myself for 6 minutes? But that wasn’t it. There were other demands too. My speech has to be captivating to the audience and along with good content, I had to focus on having a good flow to the speech, hand gestures, stage presence, voice modulation, eye contact, etc., etc., etc. Whatever you could think of, I had to keep that in mind. And last, but not the least, I need to be well within that time range of 4–6 minutes. I was told that a good time to end the speech was somewhere between 5 and 6 minute duration.

When I came to know about all of this, I was like “Wow”. Who am I? Some president or what that I have to hold the audience like this and all this has to be done without any podium to hide behind and no speech paper in hand.

Then the inevitable day came and as I couldn’t think of anything else, I just presented my exact journey from “how I was so reserved, introvert and afraid of stage” to “how I am still reserved, introvert but not afraid of stage”. Initial part of the speech, obviously I was panicking somewhere, but then I slowly managed to go back to my zone. Surprisingly, the speech got a good response. Content was appreciated (I will share the content some other day maybe) for the flow. My eye contact and hand gestures were pretty decent (way better than I expected). Ladies and gentlemen, that was one confident moment of my life. From the day I joined toastmasters, until now, I can tell you that I have improved a million folds.

Me 8 months back and me right now; all I can say is Toastmasters has been a game changer and now I know how to present myself. Since then, I have been offered the post of club Vice President. I have presented my club in other organizations. You might wonder what I was missing? I think what was missing was that before joining here, I failed to see that there are other people like me who are also learning to recover from stage fright. Until then, every time I stepped out, I saw confident people around me. But toastmasters was a channel to meet like minded people who have overcome that fear and knew how to bring me into comfort zone, even when I couldn’t speak for 2 minutes on stage and used to get goose bumps in those couple of minutes. There, it was a group, who had every level of speaker from whom you can look up for inspiration to people; with whom you can discuss your fears; to people whom even you can help as a mentor. You’re everything at a single moment. Plus you won’t feel awkward if you fall down because you see that there are moments when the best ones are struggling and at the same moment, there are these “supposed to be newbies” who are flourishing, leaving behind the champions in the room.

I learnt that it was never worth thinking about what others are thinking about me. I need to keep practicing with what’s best for me. I had to believe in myself and the rest will fall into place.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

A Random Morning Musing..!!

With ample to learn,
None to concern,
I still yearn,
For my childhood days.

I looked out of the window,
Rain hitting the ground low,
Seeking out the rainbow,
Dreaming, on my bed, I lay.

Thursday, June 27, 2019

Two Faces..!!

Am I the sun, or
Am I the moon?
Well, I'm a celestial body in a vast lonely sky,
You may call it a bane or a boon.

I've got two faces,
But they're one.
None of them as bad as yours', that you
Tell to stay away from, to your daughter and son.

I don't hate it, that
One of them has always been a dark one.
At least, it has always been there for me,
My forever companion.

Loyal, as it's always
Present in my bad times.
Reliable, 'coz
It won't judge me even in my worst crimes.

Every evening, I see you sitting on the benches,
When I look down from the sky.
Some smiles look so genuine and fresh,
While few smiles come out as a bit wry.

Some are trying to please others,
Some are struggling with the experiences they've sorrowed.
Some are trying to make relationships work,
Some are buying happiness with the money they've borrowed.

That's how you people feel.
Like handicapped you behave,
Just because in life someone acted like a heel?

Stop depending on others,
Stop being a cradle plant that's know for creeping.
Why not search your partner within yourself,
And say enough to cribbing?

Everyone has in them,
A part of Yin and a part of Yang.
Life is already so fulfilling,
Look around for once, you've survived Big-Bang.

Learn to live in prudence,
You'll learn a lot.
Stop questioning and learn to live in solace,
Someone will make you their bot.

Somethings can be good for you,
Somethings can be bad.
Broaden the perspectives, and at the end,
I promise, you'll be glad.

The two faced human,
That's what you're scared?
Ever tried to unveil the one within yourself?
I bet, You've never been dared.

Find the ugly one,
Make it your messenger.
Once you're able to control it,
It'll be your permanent and secret CO-DARK PASSENGER.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Uprooted Leaf..!!

For years,
I held my ground.
But everyone has their day,
This time nature found its way around.

Like a sudden puff,
I got sucked with the stormy wind.
Away from my roots,
Leaving everything behind.

How would I survive,
I thought, as I held my nerve.
While I blew towards the ocean,
With the nature's breath which felt like swerve.

I stood on ground,
With nothing to hold.
I saw waves approaching towards me,
I felt everything, but bold.

For few moments,
There was breathlessness.
I was stuck in a roaring wave,
Accompanied with total darkness.

Then there came a moment,
I felt like someone held my hand.
It was nothing like from what I originated,
It was just a pile of sand.

Half buried in the sand,
The hold was firm.
For the first time since I left,
I felt safe, that was confirm.

Now that I had someone to rely upon,
Relaxed, I lay alone under the sky which seemed so big and wide now.
Wind gushes couldn’t take me away,
Waves couldn’t take me for a ride now.

Monday, April 22, 2019


Gokarna Main Beach

The wind was blowing strong,
The waves were crashing high,
The sun was scorching hot,
Making the soft sand burning wild.

The situations were adverse,
Yet the water was calming and cold,
The sand was still soft,
And the walk on the beach was enough to behold.

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