Life's Like That...!!!

HE will keep testing you from time to time and you will see lots of UP's and DOWN's......try to never give up, you will definitely succeed in HIS test.....

Isn't time Running Out

Monday, October 31, 2016

The Theory of Being Everything..!!



"There’s nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood." 
~ Brad Meltzer


Honestly, the bits and pieces of this post is in my diary and notepad for few weeks now. And still when I started to write it here, then also I'm not sure what this post is about. I think maybe if I start writing, it might help me clear out things.

I understand that everyone has their secrets.
Everyone has a dark side of them, a dark passenger, who always accompanies them.
Everyone has a chapter in their life that they don't read aloud.

I too have some of them. I too have a dark passenger whom I like to keep in check. But lately this companion of mine has gone rogue. I didn't let it hurt anyone else, so now it's after me. Well, I think it needs me to speak out. But the biggest problem with me is I don't know how to stand and speak even if something wrong is going on with me. I end up being quiet. Another thing I don't understand is: if someone is behaving in a certain manner, why is he/she behaving that way? The extent to which I'm okay in interpreting complex equations and formulae, you just negate it, and I'm equally bad at interpreting human behavior. Well, at the end of the day, I think I'm human only and not an alien; also I need to interact with others to survive but I'm not sure how. I've always faced difficulty in going and talking to people, basically that has effected my performance everywhere, be it in interviews or interactions with friends. My friends and family think either I'm a stupid or I'm an arrogant guy who doesn't care about what others think. Well, in the matter of fact, I do care and most of the time, even my parents curse me. They even curse me for my expenditure, but I'll be spending just to roam around and meet my friends in the hope that I find someone who'll understand me. However, this problem has mine have always been there. Earlier I was considered just a reserved kid who is scared of interacting with elders, but now, though my behavior is same, the situation is different and it matters.

The year 2016 has been the worst for me lately. Lot many things have happened and are happening. Earlier I was just a student who always used to spend his life in lab or with books. But now, now I'm part of this vicious cycle of life where I have to earn my living and interact with people. That has never been the real me. My parents say that I'm completely normal but no, I fake the interactions with people around me. I just repeat the dialogues, which I've overheard over the past few years from everyone in different situations, when it comes to interacting with someone. Yes, it's just recorded in my mind for me and I simply replay. Yeah, I've few friends, who I know that they understand me(or maybe I feel so). But life is getting weird lately. I know they can't stick with me all the time and since past one year I'm in a weird state of mind. Till the time I was student, I knew how to handle problems. Now I'm no more a student and I don't know how to handle real life situations. I try fitting it in patterns hoping to understand and predict the outcomes of other upcoming situations based on past events but I've failed every single time. Obviously the blame comes on me that I'm not at all understanding.

I don't know whom to talk to and even sometimes I get to talk to someone, but then I don't know what to talk. By the time I realize, it gets too late. Yes, every single time it gets too late. Stephen King once said:



“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”



Yes, "the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear." I dunno whom to go and talk to, but lately I'm just hoping to find an understanding ear who lets me give a chance to express myself. Yes, I need to express myself. Just once, with a feeling of comfort. I don't want any lecture on what to do, just for once, no lecture. Again, there is this problem of me not being able to express to everyone. That's why I write and don't talk. But, honestly, it has always been hard to find someone like that, at least for me it is hard. That's why I'm posting this, requesting not to poke me and judge me. I'm a weirdo who panics easily and who's waiting once to be understood, just once. Though I try, but believe me it's frustrating because I can't be everything and this theory of being everything is killing me. As a result, loss of focus in everything.

PS: Once a close friend asked me not to stop myself from letting the thoughts flow. Hence, after long thought, I'm publishing it here.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Million Emotions..!!



Image Source


They say,
A picture says a thousand words,
But sometimes just by adding a verse to it,
You can portray a million emotions.


******************

They say,
Always speak up for your rights,
But sometimes just by adding a silence to it,
You can win a million fights.


PS: A totally random thought posted as it struck my mind..!! 
 

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Letting Go..!!


People come,
    People go.

Some leave an impression on my mind,
    With some my heart starts to rhyme.
   
Started as a wicked friendly partner in crime,
    Our souls ended up making sweet sounds like a chime.

Here I am left alone bidding everyone one by one a farewell,
    Whatever life has planned, for them I always pray that all goes well.

Well, Once again with a heavy heart and crying soul,
    Here I am letting another one go. 



PS: Another random one I guess.

Friday, September 2, 2016

Death's Desire...!!!


The first time I saw her,
    I felt attracted.
Somethings were off about her,
    But from her, only perfection got refracted.
   
She was lying down on a beach,
    In a one-piece that was colored peach.
The sky was lit in a white-chocolaty shade,
    Romantic you may say, but my desire to get her was like a sharpened blade.

Few patches of dark clouds here and there,
    Every passing by hour of sky had showed it's own glare.
Waxy yellows, cloud spat blues,
    My attention got stuck on her like with a glue.
   
Her body,
    I must say it was perfectly gaudy.
Erupted inside me, a desire to get her;
    To touch her and lay my hands upon her.

I wanted to carry her in my arms,
    Embrace her with a body so warm.
I promised myself, when her time will come, she won't feel a thing,
    I'll take her as she is my girl; on her 3rd finger will be my ring.
   
But I couldn't resist, as she lay against the sea,
    Her time was up, when I took her soul mid-way during tea.
Suddenly she lost the charm,
    Her body was no more warm.
   
Then came a moment while she lay dead,
    But I felt complete, like we both were newly-wed.



 

Sunday, August 14, 2016

सावन आया ॥


आज बाहर निकला तो मौसम का मिज़ाज कुछ उखड़ा-उखड़ा सा लगा ।
ऊपर देखा तो बादलों में अजीब सी होड़ मची थी ॥


हवाएं इधर-उधर सकपकाई सी भागती हुई लग रही थी ।
थोड़ा आगे बढ़ा तो वृक्षों में एक अलग सा उत्साह नज़र आया ॥
 
मैंने पूछा "इस उमंग और उल्लास का कारण क्या है ?"
वो झूम के बोले "सावन आया" ॥
 



PS: The post is inspired by chat with 2 of my friends, Lucifer and another one I call him "Ninja".

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Discernible..!!



Are you a spell writer?, or
You yourself are a spell?

You've spell bounded me for a long time my friend,
And I'm unable to get out of the spell.

Things feel like I'm floating in an constrained gelly like universe,
Or is it a closed shell?

Sometimes with hazy feelings, it feels like I'm a frog,
Who's unable to come out of his well.

Everything seems so fancier to me,
Am I becoming habituated to this as a dwell?

With no discernible division into parts,
Is it a continuum?


PS: A random scribble from long time ago which I forgot to post. Found it in the old archives.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Raindrops...!!!



A random one from my old archives.


The cold wind brushed past my face, 
As if trying to win any race,
I wondered how it felt to fly by, 
Around everyone exposing their emotions so wry? 

So small they're, yet so refreshing, 
With a fragrance of earth arising, 
As messengers of peace sent from the sky, 
The raindrops fell on my temple in a manner so sly.




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