How a Child is Brought-Up, It really does matter...!!!

Indiblogger and BreakThrough organized a Blogger's meet in Bangalore on 28th April, 2013. Initially I thought its going to end up like any normal blogger's meet. I'm calling other meets as normal because this meet made them look normal in front of them. The moto of the meet was to "Ring The Bell" to spread awareness to treat women with respect.

It started at around 11:30 am and ended up at 2 pm. It started as it was supposed to. Issues were raised one by one(some by organizers and some by bloggers who attended the meet) and then everyone started putting up their views on it. Frankly Speaking, I thought that if not a regular meet then either it might turn up a boring one or it might lead to some heated discussions. But nothing such happened.

Although the event was focused at "Treat Women With Respect" but I would like to deviate from the topic a little bit. Its not that I don't care about the respect of any woman in the society. I do care and I'm also against those elements of the society due to whom, not only in Delhi, but right now in the whole nation, young girls and women think thousand times before going out. I also know that I might be the only one who'll be putting forward these points. But just once, go through the points below and think once.

1) The event was mainly aimed at spreading awareness among the men in the society about the violence happening against women and treat them with respect. But my point is whenever and wherever I've been through, "Why majority of places I've seen a mother-in-law abusing her daughter against whatever she does or a newly wed daughter-in-law for the dowry or anything?" I don't want to put forward the name, but I've even seen this with one my relative, a mother treating her daughter badly. She also thinks her son is superior than her daughter, no matter what that young fellow does. If a woman is only promoting a man against other woman of the same family, how can one help...???
Pick up any real case of dowry, mother of the guy must have played the role a real "(B)/(W)itch".

2) In the last line of the previous comment, I highlighted "real". You must be wondering why...???
There is a section in the Indian Law Book, 498A, that allows any woman to put forward a case against her in-laws or relatives for abuses and sexual harassment. Consider a situation, "a lady is not satisfied with the lifestyle and living standards of the family of her in-laws. Obviously being an arrange marriage, she can't say anything openly in the society. But if she's smart enough, she can file a case of abuse or harassment against the family and wooofff...its done...She is back in her home with a divorce and with the money. Who cares about the family back there...??? But they are behind bars for atleast next 3 years." This was one fictitious situation stated by me, who knows how many actual such cases happen every year. Considering the normal family where no chance of bribing the law can take place(which is common these days), such that no partiality is done while taking the decision, only 15-18% cases are proved and end up in conviction. Rest end up with the harassment to the family of in-laws in the society. But no such law exists till date which can repay the cost of insult and harassment suffered by the family.

3) "When men talk dirty, its misbehavior. But when women talk dirty, they are trying to be frank". I disagree with this statement. I have lived in Delhi, I have seen the situation getting reversed. But one statement by any woman against any man for "An attempt to rape", and he is screwed. I don't think I need to tell that after that how your society and family will look at you after that.

4) Why misuse the Law...??? Just think on this last point, If a person is wrongly convicted and put behind bars, that person will surely commit some crime once he comes out, maybe the same one for which he spent couple of years of his life in jail. The thinking would be "I've already spent so many years without doing anything, then lets try it once". I'd like to highlight some facts from Jinesh Zaveri's blog:
"Women go to the police with a complaint (may be false), but the system provides to record that as a criminal complaint and that data adds in to the National Statistics of Crime Against Women. When male goes with a genuine complaint, the police at max can record a Non-Cognizable offence against a women. That will never reflect in the statistics. The how will one gauge crime against men? Every 100 Suicides in India have 63 Males and 37 Females. Every 100 Male suicides have 45 married males and every 100 women suicides have 25 married women. Married women suicides have default arrests of the in-laws under presumed dowry death. Married men suicides entitle wife for a 50% share in property. What kind of equality is this?"
Now coming back to general discussion:

Every parent says this to their son "respect a woman". I agree. Every parent says their son cannot do this and that, he is innocent, But a question for all those parents... "Have you ever thought, that what activities your son does behind your back?Same question applies to the parents for their daughters also. Can you say and prove that your child is not involved in any wrong activity...??? If yes, then your upbringing is the one on which you should be proud of, otherwise, think upon it before commenting on anyone elses.

Once again, I'd conclude with 3 things:

1) "Upbringing matters for both men and women in the society".
2) Not only men, a woman should also learn how to treat other men and women in the society.
3) If the upbringing is good, and the society around us is educated, why would someone have a need to misuse the Law or shut himself/herself down completely against the violence even if some wrong is done to the person...??? I'd like to quote 3 lines from a song for why people don't raise their voice for wrong:

"जब लैम्पपोस्ट की गंदली पीली रौशनी में कुछ कुछ सा होता है,
जब कोई साया खुद को थोड़ा बचा बहाकर गुम्सायो में खोता है,
जब उलाके ख्वाबोँ को गाडी का गर्म उजाला धीमे धीमे लोटा है,
तब शहर हमारा सोता है। "

A rough translation: 
"When someone tries to do some crime, when people try to run for their life, no-one comes out to help anyone. The whole city sleeps at that time"

How will they, when they don't have even their near and dear ones to help. But the Question why do no one comes up for help...??? I guess mainly because of misbehavior of Law servants...

PS: Why Law Misuse...??? Just give it a thought...Lawmisuse can even create a potential rapist...
PS: Just my views...I'm neither a married men, nor a sufferer. I'm a student. So no offences please :P


  1. I agree with the upbringing of children, both sexes should be treated equal. The women should be empowered and have access to education, rights and family. Culture has a lot of bearing on the way we treat and value children. But education and greater awareness of opportunities to both men and women can be very helpful and enlightening.

    Peace ~

  2. Very good one Cyno ... you have hit the nail on the bull's eye man. Finally, someone opens his eyes to atrocities happening to men and their families. With 62000 Husbands committing suicide each year, it is a number that NO one absolutely NO ONE cares for. People just know that only wives commit suicide.

    Just one correction. Conviction rate of 498A in respect to number of cases which reach Police is less than 2%. Which means, 98% goes through ordeal of Legal System for years just to be told, "You are Acquitted".

    1. Thanks for correcting the facts Ritwik... :)

  3. Very true and thought provoking!

    There are always two sides of a story; usually only one is publicised and the other remains masked.

    Keep up the good work!

  4. Sarabjeet,

    Its not intuitive to get that Feminism is ANTI Women.
    If you make women-pro laws that are unconstitutional, unscrupulous women would MISUSE it like hell, diluting the very essence of the law.

    Now, India is trying to bring laws that allow a women to get half in a husbands inherited, inheritable and self earned property. This is set to create gender war and discourage MEN to marry. If this happens we woudl be no short of western countries where fatherless kids are born.


    - Prakhyat

    1. very well said...
      thanks for the visit Prakhyat...

  5. How child is bought up is everything. The ideas imbibed at that young age are unwavering. But an extremely thought provoking one, equality can't be one dimensional. Unfortunately our system aims at finding quick fix victims only and men as targets of "harassment" is not the story guaranteed to give a huge viewer ratings so why bother.
    Mistreatment of women is a shameful issue but it also underlines our society's failure as much as it is the side effect of our poor policing/judicial system. But we never focus on the latter part of debate.

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. My article on similar issue..

  8. I was expecting a haiku but instead myself confronting provoking thoughts...interesting read !

    1. haha...Actually after the blogger's meet I was busy for couple of days and in that time everyone was focusing on the expected side of the issue, but no one raised these I couldn't resist this time... :)
      thanks a lot...

  9. Agreed to what you said. education and upbringing matters a lot. Once things start improving at the ground level it will automatically get good in the upper strata too!
    good post!

  10. I believe you have remarked some very interesting details , appreciate it for the post. I went over this web site and I think you have a lot of wonderful information, saved to bookmarks.
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  11. Thoughtful post. I agree that "upbringing" plays a major part for both men and women. And most of them are related to ignorance and illiteracy.


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